"No, I Don't Want To!"

Everyone has been dealing with the struggles of having to stay home for the last three months and having school canceled for the year because of COVID19. Let me start by saying, I am not opposed to teaching my children, each summer I require them to read daily and do a page out of a workbook that helps them keep their skills fresh from the previous school year and prepares them for the grade they will be entering in the fall. But this has been a whole different ballgame.

I have 5 children to home school. I have 2 children with dyslexia, 3 children with learning disabilities, 2 children on the Autism spectrum, 5 children with ADD/ADHD, and my youngest is highly capable and (bored with his grade level and is 2 grades ahead in math and reading). I have had to customize my teaching to each child and support each one individually during learning time. I have a million alarms on my phone to get each child on different online meetings, especially my teenagers, they have several different meetings every single day. My children have come to "hate school, hate the corona virus, and hate being stuck home." They are not alone, I hate it too. We have 2 weeks left of school and all of us wish we had been finished a month ago. Everything I tell my youngest three kids to do, from homework, to changing clothes, to helping with chores, you name it, their response has become: 

"No, I don't want to!"

 

My response to them is "I didn't ask if you wanted to, I told you that I need you to."

I have lost my job because once my company opened back up, I had no one to watch my kids while I worked. Thankfully Don got a job stocking shelves at night at Safeway. We are grateful for the income, but working nights has been a challenge in and of itself. He works every night and sleeps all day everyday. He wakes up about a half an hour before the youngest three kids go to bed. So it feels like I am a single parent. Libraries are closed, parks are closed, friends are "off limits", etc. Normally I do not suffer from depression, but I have been so depressed lately that I have had a hard time functioning. I never a moment to myself or a time to recharge. I feel worn thin.

The other morning I woke up and instead of rushing right out to take care of my children and home, I decided to linger in bed and try and feed my spirit, (which I rarely get to do these days). I listened to a talk by Elder Uchtdorf, it happened to be on patience. Fancy that.

Some of the things that stuck out to me were: "Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often the most difficult times in our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness. Patience means staying with something until the end. Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith.” 

In my mind I said, "Ok Heavenly Father, I hear you. Just like my children, I have been saying "No, I don't want to do this!" I hear my own words echoing back, but this time coming from him. "I didn't ask if you wanted to, I said that I need you to." Even though these situations are not what I have chosen or what I want in my life right now, this is teaching me patience on a greater level. These things will give me experience and help to continue to shape me into a better person. I just pray to be able to endure these things well and that my children will forgive my imperfections as their mother.

"If it takes my whole life, I won't break, I won't bend. It will all be worth it in the end."

Yesterday I received a call from my 10 years old Daniel’s school saying that he was in the principal’s office and I needed to come and talk with the two of them at school and then take Daniel home. Apparently he had gotten into an argument with a student and threw a pencil in the other student’s direction and the pencil hit the teacher. The principal said Daniel has really been struggling the last few days. I said part of that might be that his Dad moved away and isn’t living with us during the week. As soon as I said that, he broke down in tears. Daniel really struggles with change and his daddy is a big part of his life. It is hard to be without him.

Daniel wrote a letter on his own apologizing for accidentally hitting the teacher with the pencil, asked if she was ok, and wrote how he should have handled things differently. Daniel can always do that after the fact. He has been taught right and wrong, but part of the struggle with his Autism is that he doesn’t take a breath between getting upset about something and taking the time to think about the best way to react, he just reacts immediately. I told him that he had lost his chance to play on the switch that day (which he earns for having a good day at school). He cried and asked if there was anything he could do to earn it back. As we walked up to the house I told him that if he picked up the pine cones littering the front yard he could earn it back. He started on his own and then when the task seemed too overwhelming he came to me and asked for my help. I raked and he used the snow shovel to put each pile we made into the yard waste bin. He worked without complaint until the front was completely clear of pine cones and the yard waste bin was full to the top. I thought it was a great teaching opportunity and hoped he would make better choices at school the next day.

This afternoon I was called on the phone by the school and told to come quickly because Daniel was in a state of hysteria and they couldn’t control him. I rushed to the school and when I arrived I was taken to a small room where he usually goes to eat breakfast and lunch (with other students that can’t handle the noise and craziness of the lunch room). I walked in to see various toys strewn all over the floor, and Daniel sitting in a chair, screaming and crying. The principal had been sitting next to him trying to talk to him and help him regain control, but had been unsuccessful in doing so. She moved when she saw me coming and I pulled up a chair next to him. He threw his head onto my lap soaking my pant legs with his tears. I bent down around him allowing my body to put pressure on his upper body to give him the compression that helps him to calm down when he is out of control. I talked with the principal about what had happened. Apparently, Daniel and another student had gotten into an argument and Daniel in anger had thrown a pencil and ruler at the student. When the other student got hit he turned and punched Daniel three times in the nose and eye. I told Daniel we had just talked in detail the day before about not throwing pencils at people, that it was dangerous and he was not supposed to do that. I also acknowledged his feelings and let him know that it was not ok for the other student to punch Daniel. The principal assured us that the other student would have consequences as well. We were told that Daniel had to go home for the day and could return to school tomorrow.

This evening I got a call from the principal saying that Daniel was being expelled from school. She received word from a para educator that walked into the situation with Daniel and the other student and heard Daniel say after getting punched that he wanted to kill the other student. She said they have to meet with a team at the school and do a “threat assessment” to see if Daniel is a threat to the other students at the school. I know Daniel is not dangerous and he was speaking out of anger. It is not ok for him to have said that, but he is also the one with the bruised nose and eye. The other child has no marks on him at all, so who is the greater “threat” here?

Throughout Daniel’s life, his behavior has not reflected what he has been taught. We have loved him with all his quirks, difficulties, and struggles. We have cried over him, prayed about him, taught him every chance we could through words and actions, but to no avail, he doesn’t seem to assimilate any of our teaching. The Beatles sang “All you need is Love” if that was true in this situation Daniel would be a perfectly normal child, but love alone cannot heal him or take away the challenges he will have his whole life. 

I tried explaining to the principal that Don is gone and we have no family close by to depend on for help with my children. I have a job that I am supposed to be at, that I will not be able to go to, because Daniel will be home for the foreseeable future until this meeting can be held and they decide if he will be allowed to return to their school. I explained that Don is not getting paid for his internships even though he works the hours of a full time job and so we are dependent on my income to help pay for our groceries and other bills right now. She said she knows how difficult this will be, but she has to follow protocol and so the decision stands for now. So I may be looking at no employment soon. I have been balling my eyes out all night. Life isn’t fair, I know that, sometimes I just wish it could just be a little easier. I will continue to trust in God and know that he will help us through this difficult time, just like he has in the past.
 

 

Learning to Fly without Wings

Since Emily was in Preschool I have had concerns about her ability to learn to read. At the end of the year her preschool teacher called me in and told me that the class had been learning the names of letters and the letter sounds all year long, but when she tested Emily on how many she knew, she could not get Emily to sit still long enough to give her any answers. I thought at that point that maybe she had ADD or ADHD, which my husband and three older boys have and maybe her distraction was getting in the way of her being able to recite the things she knew. I put it on the back burner and thought I would just continue to work with her at home and she would improve.

In Kindergarten, her teacher kept telling me that she was really struggling to catch on to reading. So I worked with her more at home. We practiced sight words daily and I would try to have her read aloud to me. She was able to memorize all of her sight words eventually, but she was still unable to sound out words that she didn't have memorized. I talked to her teacher and asked if the school could possibly test for dyslexia. The teacher talked to the special education person at the school and then told me that they didn't have specific testing for dyslexia and that they thought she was doing well enough since she had memorized her sight words for the year.

In First Grade, her teacher talked to me about her concerns for Emily in reading and asked if it would be ok to place her in a special small group where children who struggled to read could get more one on one help with an adult. I said that would be great and asked the teacher if this new school we were in tested for dyslexia and she said no.


One reason I have kept wondering about Dyslexia is because it can run through heredity. My brother has it, my husband's brother has it, and my oldest son has it. I struggled for years trying to teach my oldest son to read and we would both end up frustrated and in tears. I kept asking the school to test him and they kept telling me they didn't think he had dyslexia or they didn't have the testing for it in the school. Every year he moved up a grade, he fell farther and farther behind in reading. When he turned 14, I finally had him seen by a Neuropsychologist who diagnosed him with High Functioning Autism, Dyslexia and learning disabilities in math and reading. He was able to get those diagnosis' added to his IEP (individual education plan) and finally get what he needed in school to help him progress in reading. It made me feel sad that he had to struggle so hard for so long when he could have had the specific help he needed to be successful many years earlier.

Fast forward to this year and my youngest child Marcus. I started working with him on reading in April and then had him read the BOB books to me all summer. He started Kindergarten this fall and they had to put him in First Grade for reading and Math everyday because he was bored in Kindergarten and already knew how to read when kids around him didn't even know letter sounds or names.

This shows me that it isn't how I teach my children that is the problem. I am capable of teaching a child to read. I just don't have the specific skills and know how to teach my children that struggle with reading. I worked with Emily all summer with the same books and I couldn't get her to even keep her eyes on the page long enough to finish a page. It usually ended in a lot of tears and frustration.

Emily started 2nd grade this fall. I talked with her regular Primary Care Doctor who agreed that she should be tested. We got a referral for her and she was evaluated by a Neuropsychologist who diagnosed her with Dyslexia and problems with her Active Working Memory. When I questioned the doctor about the memory aspect, I said, she has the ability to memorize her sight words so I am surprised about you saying she has memory problems. He said Active working memory is more of a short term memory. It means when she is sounding out the first part of a word and moves on to sound out the second part of the word, she has already forgotten the first part and can't remember it to blend the two sounds together. It also mean that she struggles with communication. She knows what she wants to say in her mind, but when she tries to say the words she can't get out one fluid sentence. There are a lot of pauses and words like "Um, well, uh." Or she will repeat the first part of the sentence over and over trying to get it all out in one fluid sentence only to get hung up over and over again. I also asked the doctor about possible ADD. He said she doesn't lack the ability to concentrate, he says she starts wiggling as soon as she is faced with having to read because she can't do it, and it makes her uncomfortable. "Look at her right now, she is sitting still just fine over at the table while you and I are talking." The doctor pointed out.

Once I had the diagnosis in hand, I went to the school to talk to them about Emily getting an IEP so she could get the help she needed in school. They said she may have a diagnosis, but that doesn't mean if affects her ability to function in school. We have to do our own testing so that we can get state funding. To even do the testing we have to hold a board meeting to decide IF we will do it. You can attend if you want, but you don't have to." I was told by the school psychologist. "Oh I will be there!" was my response. I have learned in the past that I am the best advocate for my child. Why would I not want to attend a meeting deciding if they would help her. 

The morning of the board meeting I went into a room with about 15 staff all seated around a table and it was just me there to speak on Emily's behalf. Her teacher was late. I had been praying to know what to say. To be able to express myself without being too emotional, while still putting forth all the evidence that my daughter did need to be tested and to have extra help. After I said everything I needed to say, her teacher came in and proceeded to say everything I had just said. I thanked her later for being late, because she acted a second witness for Emily, without even hearing the things I had said. The board agreed to do the testing. I was thrilled and felt my prayers had been answered! 

After about two months of waiting, they finally completed the testing and Emily now has an IEP. The Neuropsychologist had suggested a specific reading program to use and said that I should buy it. It was "only" $250.00 per lesson. When I told him I couldn't afford that he asked what school district we were in and when I told him, he said "Oh good, that school district has this reading program." I talked to the special education teacher and told her what the doctor said. She looked it up and she can order a copy of the program from the district office. She said that program looks like it would also be helpful for some of the other students in her classroom. 

Some people think that getting your child diagnosed it just slapping a label on them that will limit what they can do in their lives. I believe it is giving my children the tools and specific help that he or she needs to be successful and to progress in the best way possible for their needs. I am giving her the wings so she can learn how to fly. 

"When God Closes a Door Somewhere He Opens a Window"

 This December will mark two years that Don has been out of the Army. It has been a humbling and life changing experience. We went from feeling like Don had a career and even though we were never rich, we always felt like we had enough to feed our family and take care of the needs that we had. When he got out, we lost our income, our home, our insurance, therapy for our son Daniel who has Autism. Our plan was to stay in for 20 years and get retirement and insurance for life, but the Army said Don had to get out and so our first major door closed and we were redirected to take another path.

After looking for jobs and homes in Texas we kept having one door after another close on us and so we prayed to know God's will and we received inspiration that we needed to leave Texas and move to Washington State. With heavy hearts we said our goodbyes, packed up our moving truck, and made it out of Texas the day before the state ran out of Gas because of the hurricane Harvey. We made it through the I-84 road that leads to WA the day before that road was closed to wild fires. I felt like God had held open the doors in both states just long enough for us to pass through.

We just hit our 1 year mark of living here in Washington in Don's parents house. There have been good things about it, but it has been very hard as a family of seven trying to live at someone else's house. It puts a strain on relationships and fosters an uncertain and unstable environment for my children who thrive on consistency and stability. I am grateful that they have let us stay here because honestly we would be homeless if they had not, but that doesn't mean it has been easy. Don applied for many jobs and got one for about 3 months before he was let go from that job. We made the decision that he needed to go back to college and he has been taking general college classes because he hadn't yet decided what degree/career he really wanted to pursue. For about 3 months we have been trying to find a piece of property to build on because the market in Western WA is crazy expensive right now and we haven't been able to find a place that we could afford. This summer we finally found a piece of property, put an offer on it, the offer was accepted. We found a manufactured home that we could afford that was big enough for our family that we were going to put on the property and everything was set to go. When the loan was days from being closed we got a call that said the city contacted the construction person who was going to start prepping the land and said sorry, even though we told you it was ok to put a manufactured home on this property, its not. It felt like someone slammed on the brakes while we were going 60 miles an hour. SCREECH!!! We had prayed that if it wasn't right, it wouldn't work out. The answer was that it was definitely not right.

We found out last week why it wasn't right for us to buy a house here. Don finally decided on a degree/career path and just got accepted into an x-ray tech program in Spokane, WA. It is about 6 hours from where we live now on the opposite side of the state. There were no x-ray tech programs close by where we live. As we started looking at houses over there, we discovered that we could find so much more house for our money. We found a house that will work well for our family and are planning to make an offer today. Don starts school on Oct. 1st - This upcoming Monday! He will have to move there without us at first, but I am just happy that he has found something he wants to do and that a window is opening for us to have our own home again and move forward in our life. Once the house is ours Don will move in and the kids and I will join him probably around Christmas time. We have specialist apts here that we have waited a long time for and therapy for our son Daniel that we want to continue for as long as possible.

Lessons learned from these last two years. God allows us to dead end so that we can be certain that the path we were on was not the path that was best. At first I felt discouraged when it felt like we kept hitting one dead end after another or by having one door close after another, but now I have hope. I can see that by one experience at a time, God is leading me in a direction that will be better for my life and for the life of my family. I can see His hand in our lives. I feel reassured and trust in Him. Here we go on our new journey.

If you have met one child with Autism, you've met ONE child with Autism.

I’d like to tell you about my son Daniel. He is 8 years old and was diagnosed with Autism at age 4. When he was diagnosed, they ranked him between a 2-3. To help understand that better, a 1 is the highest functioning (sometimes called Aspergers) and 4 is the lowest functioning. He has a 144 IQ, which means he is very intellectually smart, but is a disaster when it comes to social and emotionally appropriate behavior. He is my 3^rd son and 3^rd child of 5 children total. He has taught me that one type of parenting does NOT fit all children and just because something worked with one child does NOT mean it will work with another. There have been times where he has taken my confidence as a mother and shaken it to the very core. 

When he was born he had a complete knot in his cord. The doctor and nurses took one look at that and said “Do you know what this is? This is a miracle, most babies with knots in their cord do not get enough oxygen and nutrients to survive.” As hard as this journey has been with Daniel, I know that he was meant to be here and I was meant to be his mother.

My Piece of Humble Pie: 

When I was pregnant with Daniel I was visiting my sister and her son was throwing a tantrum in the car and she looked at me in frustration and said: "what do you do when your children throw tantrums?" I said in all seriousness, "I don't know. My children don't throw tantrums." Which at the time was completely true, Josh and Sam did not. Looking back at that comment I laugh because I got served a big fat helping of humble pie...

Tantrums and Melt-Downs:

Daniel used to throw tantrums that could put any two year old's tantrums to shame. His tantrums would last for 30-40 minutes minimum. It was like once he started, there was no way to calm him down. I found myself feeling like I was walking on egg shells trying to avoid anything that would or could upset him, it wasn’t fair to my other kids or to any of us, but it was all I knew how to do at first. These days his tantrums the duration has decreased dramatically and he does different things, but he still has melt downs if his senses are overstimulated or if there is a change that comes up without him knowing about it ahead of time. He is very sensitive to people’s emotions also. There have been times when my husband or I have been dealing with stress or major life changes and without even telling the children or expressing emotions related to that in front of them, Daniel has sensed it and his negative behaviors have increased.

Self Stim Behavior:

These can be characterized as repetition of physical movements, sounds, or repetitive movement of objects. Daniel would move his hands on the sides of his head while yelling "ahhhhh" at the top of his lungs. He still does this when he gets overstimulated, but luckily he only screams in his head while he does it now. He also sought deep pressure stim which meant he would walk full speed ahead into walls or people. He also liked spinning, it was a calming thing for him. Something I have learned is that stimming helps provide extra sensory input when needed. It actually reduces the overall sensation of pain by releasing endorphins that ease pain.

Changes...he hates them, every single one.

 

Every change is met with opposition, a fight or him running from the situation. I am fairly certain he could outrun any Olympic Runner which he used to try and do on a daily if not weekly basis. He still tries to run as a way of escaping something that is different. Example: His aid got sick last week. I got calls two days in a row to come pick him up he was overturning chairs, and running away from the staff. He seems to have no fear of what might happen to him once he starts running he doesn’t look back. Giving him warning of change for example, you have five minutes left before your computer turn is over. I have to set a timer otherwise he will say "that wasn't five minutes!" He seems to be oblivious to time. If he asks nicely when the five minutes is up sometimes I will allow him to add on a minute or two.

Sticks to one person like glue. 

Apparently with other children like Daniel they latch on to their Primary caregiver for the first 5 years of his life this person was me He would look to me to help them with everything. It was like he couldn’t function or navigate his way through his life without me right there beside him. He was with me all day every day, my little shadow, and he wants me to help him with or do everything for him. Back then, I was "not allowed" to do things like take a nap. Even with my husband home on the weekends if Daniel found out I am napping he would pound on my door and cry "Mommy! Let me in! You can’t be in there without me!" Yet when Daddy took naps or is sleeping in in the morning he has no qualms with leaving him alone. This made it very difficult when I was an exhausted pregnant Mama feeling like I couldn’t function without a daily nap. These days there are a few people he trusts aside from me. His para at school that is with him 24/7. The sister assigned to him at church, and a few other close relatives.

Sleep.

Apparently, Daniel was born not needing sleep. He didn’t sleep through the night even once until he was about 18 months old. Once he started he didn’t continue to sleep through the night on a consistent basis until he was 6 years old. I went through the same bedtime routines with him as I did my other kids, but he fought sleep till 11 or 12 every night screaming and crying. He would wake up at the crack of dawn cranky and irritated, but wouldn't take naps during the day. If he woke up at night he wouldn’t just fall back to sleep in our bed like our other children would do. He would lie in between my Husband and I and put his legs and arms up in the air and drop them, shaking the whole bed. He would wait just until we were falling back to sleep and shatter the silence with “Wake up! Wake up!”

Puns, Sarcasm, and Literal Thinking.

Daniel is a literal thinker. We can't joke around or be sarcastic with him. He doesn't understand it and it can be very upsetting to him at times. Someone once was complaining about another person's behavior in front of Daniel and said "I just want to ring their neck!" Daniel got a horrified look on his face and said: "you wouldn't really do that would you?!" When they explained they didn't really mean it, he said "oh that was an expression, right?" He is slowly learning. But we have to make sure we say what we mean with him.

Diagnosis.

Daniel was diagnosed with Autism in Sept 2013. He was 4 years old at the time. He has since been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. The hyperactivity "aggravates" his other symptoms often leaving him more frustrated and angry. He has "spacial issues". During the testing he wasn't able to close his eyes and remain standing upright. The doctor said it is like he is not aware of where is body is in relationship to the things around him if he can't see them. Which would explain why he has absolutely no understanding of other people's "personal space." He has social issues and does not pick up on things like social or facial clues, or other people's body language. He is excited when any adult gives him attention or wants to play with them, but doesn't understand that he can't climb all over them and invade their personal space.

When he was diagnosed, my first feeling was "I wanna fix it!" As a parent, if one of my children gets sick or has a medical issue I want to take them to the doctor and get the treatment or the medicine make them whole or healthy again. It was hard knowing that there is nothing I could have done differently to change him having Autism. It is also hard knowing that he would deal with this for the rest of his life and there was nothing I can give him or do for him that would "cure" it or take it away. The only thing I have been able to do is give him the tools he needs to be as successful as he is able to be.

Since then, Daniel has had about 4 years of Applied Behavior Annalysis therapy also known as ABA, OT therapy, speech therapy, he is functioning better now then he ever has before. I think part of that is due to all the therapy he has had, and that our knowledge has grown in what Daniel needs and the things that will help him be successful. When he was diagnosed 4 years ago I felt completely lost and unsure what my son needed to help him be successful. 

But today, I want to share with you some of the things that I have learned that help him especially in a church setting to be more successful in hopes that they may be of help to another parent who may be struggling out there to help their child. Or teachers who may have children with Autism in their church classes. 

Tools for success:

Clothing.

Like many children with Austims, Daniel HATES scratchy, restrictive clothing.  He hates ties, he hates Sunday shoes.  He wears cargo pants with an elastic waistband, a button up cotton shirt with regular shoes. I know it is not the “Sunday Best” outfit, but it helps him to feel comfortable and have one less sensory overload.

The Special Bag for Church.

Having a bag with drawing paper, fidget toys, mazes, stickers, stress balls, or other toys he can manipulate that make little or no noise, but are interesting.  These are toys the child only sees and plays with church. It may seem like a distraction, but it is amazing how much a child with Autism or ADHD pays attention to what is being said if they have something in their hands.
  
Changing seats.

We can’t sit on the extra chairs in the overflow area of the chapel because Daniel always runs for the stage. If we sit in a bench it creates a space with boundaries and he does a better job at sitting. In primary, he sits at the back at a table with a bag of special things. It keeps others children from being distracted by the things he is doing and still allows him to participate.

Snacks,

Snacks and sensations will help to calm or wake up a child. Try pretzels and crackers in the “Bag of Special things.”  They can also be a good reward for positive behavior. Some children will calm down by having to suck things through a straw. It’s all about creating pressure around the lips with the sucking motion and making the muscles work.  Using a tiny straw to suck up water, pudding, or applesauce can do the trick.

Pay attention to Senses.

Children with Autism experience frequent sensory overload. Every sense they have seems to be heightened. Hearing center of the brain lights up. Noise cancelling earphones, weighted pillow or jacket. Laying on the floor under the bench to escape the noise and the lights, if the child is not apposed to touch, sitting close to a parent or teacher with their arm around the child’s shoulders can provide warmth and comfort. If the child has a special blanket that helps him or her calm down, think about putting a square of that fabric in the bag of special things.

Use Visual Ques.

When we first started coming to this building Daniel would always try and run to the stage in the back of the chapel overflow. My husband went back one Sunday to get him from the stage and bring him back to his seat. Without saying anything, my husband walked up to the stage with his arms outstretched. Daniel saw this and ran to his Dad, someone he knows and trusts. My husband wrapped his arms around him and took him back to his seat. It reminded me of the Savior. He comes to us with arms outstretched and waits patiently for us to come to him. Having a visual schedule for Daniel’s day really helped him in the first few years of his diagnosis. He needed to know what to expect that day and it put him at ease.

Establish expectations before class or sacrament meeting.

Positive reinforcement is so much more effective than punishing. So find something that the child is interested in earning and say if you can make it through x amount of time sitting in your seat you can earn xyz. Let the child take breaks, we may be able to sit through a whole sacrament meeting, but our child may be in sensory overload. Tell the child before hand that it is ok to take a break, but they need to ask permission first, not just dart out of the room.

Having someone called to work with the child.

As I shared in my experience with Daniel, children with Autism often latch on to one person and look to that one person to provide a feeling of safety, someone to help them navigate this world of sensory overload.

Daniel has a sister in the ward currently assigned to work with him. She came to the house and spent time getting to know him and playing with him in his own setting where he was comfortable. It helped him to trust her and be ok with having her help him during church. It is so important for the parent to be able to go to class once in a while to be spiritually fed and to have a change to talk to other adults.

Allowing the child to participate in what ever way he or she feels comfortable.

Daniel loves to write stories and draw pictures. At the beginning of Primary, the Presidency allowed him to stand up and share with the rest of the group his latest story and the pictures that went along with it. The other kids were supportive and kind to him as he shared. Daniel also loves answering questions and correcting the teacher. His teacher is patient with him and says she doesn't mind at all when he corrects her. What a sweet person she is!

Be Persistent.

Remember change is always met with opposition, so if you are trying to teach them something new or different, the first several times you try, they may fight it, but just keep trying. Example: Scriptures. Daniel used to fight having scriptures read to him. I kept at it and now it is part of our nightly routine. He knows the stories and likes to listen when I read them.

They are listening more than you think.

Daniel always has a notebook that he carries around and draws in. He has his head down in his Primary class and it may seem like he is not listening, but the sister that works with him at church says he answers the teacher’s questions and when the teacher asks what they talked about the week before Daniel knows the answer and goes into great detail about it.

Be Patient and Love them because they too are children of God.

God loves children. He loves all children. The Savior said, “Suffer [the] little children … to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” He didn’t say only let the well behaved, smartest, cutest children come unto me. He wanted them all to come unto Him. He held them, and spoke to them individually. As parents these little children came to us and were not what we expected they might be, but we love them and are doing our best to help them be successful. It is just a huge struggle some days. So be patient with these children, and please try and keep judgement to yourself. You may never know how hard a parent is trying with their child if you are not witnessing it firsthand. In fact I think as a parent we work ten times harder with our special needs children and feel like most of the time the outcome is less apparent than it is with our other children.

There are many books out there that are worth reading, but I would highly recommend “10 Things Every Child with Autism Wishes you Knew.” This is a great book that I would suggest to anyone who wants to understand Autism better.