Finding Joy in the Simple Things

Today has been heaven sent. Like coming up for a breath of fresh beautiful air after feeling that I have been nearly drowning for months. Bogged down with trials and struggles. Today I am smiling and I can't stop.

I attended church today with my family. I smiled as I watched my oldest son pass the Sacrament to our congregation. This is his second week doing it and today after he sat down he said "Mom I like this. It is fun!" It is hard to believe that not too long ago he was my baby and now he is 5'6" tall and wears a shoe the same size as his Dad.

I laughed and smiled with my second son as I looked through his drawing book at church and saw not only his creativity of the things he drew, but also the sense of humor that he has. He always runs to me when he sees me in the hall at church and gives me a big hug and kiss. He is such a love.

My youngest 3 children actually went to their classes which they haven't wanted to do since we moved from Alaska, so I was able to fully devote my ears and heart to listen to the lessons being taught. Then the 3rd hour I was able to teach the women's group at our church. I was inspired by their comments and the experiences they shared. I felt confident in my preparations and felt God inspired me in what to say.

After church my kids and I played "Guess Who". They took turns without fighting. I turned on classical music and they danced together in the front room saying things like "may I have this dance" and "may I cut in" when they wanted a chance to dance with their sister. We ate a good meal together at dinner. I love that we don't have to be on some fancy outing or spending money to have a good time. We just enjoy being together.

My husband and I have recently committed a couple of weeks ago to read scriptures and pray together each night as a couple after we read and pray as a family. We went from feeling like busy parents who barely got to say a word to each other all day because of the realities of raising a family of 5 and my husband's busy work schedule, to having precious time at night to not only grow closer to God, but also to each other. Several nights we finish reading and then start talking and can't stop. Which isn't great for getting adequate sleep often times, but it is great for our relationship. He is my best friend and I love this un-interupted time I get to spend with him each night.

Recently the kids and I have been enjoying getting nature again. We have a little couple that perch outside our house each night we have nick named them Mr. and Mrs. Bird.

The kids have a little swimming pool that they have been enjoying playing in this summer.

We discovered "Trevor the Toad" the other day when they were out in our backyard. He hopped up near the pool and they had so much fun chasing him around the yard catching him and having him get away and then trying to catch him again.

A few days later we discovered "Trevor Jr." 

I feel so blessed that I am able to stay home with my children. Instead of being at work, I am lucky enough to be here. To discover things with them. To talk to them. To teach them. To have them gather around me and sit on my lap as I read to them. To snuggle with them after they have had a bad dream at night.

 

 
My hope is that you don't read this and think I am portraying that my life is perfect. Far from it. Also, I am not a perfect mother, but I do the best I can. This week my 6 year old son Daniel (who has Autism) had 4 mega melt down tantrums that lasted for a good hour or two each time. Kicking, screaming, yelling, etc. In those times I feel helpless. Dealing with a toddler throwing a tantrum is one thing. Dealing with a huge 6 year old boy thrashing and failing around is another. Each time I have a child I wish I had a handbook to tell me how to best raise each one. With Daniel there are days I wish I had a doctorate degree so maybe I would know how best to help my son. But the point is, I do the best I can. Then every once in a while the Lord blesses me with days like today and I feel so blessed to be a mother to these 5 amazing little people. Also, so blessed to have been married to my best friend for the last 13 years. Days like today I am reminded to find joy in all the simple things that make my life so rich and full.

The Best Decision I Ever Made 5 Times

Nursing aka Breast feeding. Everyone has their opinion about it.

Some choose not to do it at all because it is just not for them. Some would have liked to do it, but were never able to do it for very long for what ever reason, whether it be poor latch, not enough milk, physical issues etc. For me, I have chosen to nurse every one of my babies and I am very glad that I did.

With my first baby Joshua, I went through the first 14 days with the cracked and bleeding nipples and wanting to cry every time he latched on. I wanted to quit, but talked to my mother in law and my mother and also an awesome group of ladies at church that encouraged me to keep at it and told me it would get better. It did. I did discover that Josh was allergic to the whey in milk and that was coming through my milk. I was changing his diaper one day and discovered blood in his diaper. The doctor confirmed my theory. I went off all dairy, read every label, and lost a ton of weight (not that I needed to) because dairy was about 95% of my diet. But I did it because I wanted to keep nursing my baby. I felt it was the best thing for him and if I had to sacrifice for him I was willing to do it. Plus a happy baby equals a happy mommy.

I was able to nurse him for 15 months until I found out I was pregnant with my second son.

My second son, Samuel was born with colic and screamed non-stop for the first 12 weeks of his life. Again, I went off milk and things improved. I nursed him for 20 months because my husband was gone for training for 2 months and then deployed for 15 months. He needed that comfort and reassurance when his whole life had changed.

My next baby Daniel came 4 years after Sam was born and nursing seemed easy from day one. He was born under nourished because he had a knot in his cord. But he made up for it with breast feeding like a champ. He was my fattest baby from then on. Good healthy baby chub. He was also allergic to whey and I went off dairy right at the beginning. I just kept loosing weight throughout the time I nursed him without trying, until I got down to a size 1 and for being 6 feet tall, that is not a healthy size. So at 15 months I called it good and stopped nursing him.

Little miss Emily came 4th. She was also allergic to dairy, but also corn, tomatoes, and citrus so there was more that had to be eliminated from my diet. She nursed really well right from the beginning and nursed for 15 months until I found out I was pregnant with my 5th baby and quit nursing because I was too tired to do both.

Then there is my Marcus. He was born and had to spend 5 days in the hospital. His Billirubin levels just kept going up despite being under the lights 24 hours a day and the doctor kept threatening that if the levels didn't come down fast Marcus would end up in the ICU or have permanent brain damage from it. The Doctor said baby needed more milk, and more wet and dirty diapers. I tried and tried to get my milk to come in, but I think the stress of all that was going on, kept my milk from coming in. Plus he was so sleepy that he didn't nurse well.

I asked to see a lactation specialist at the hospital where we were staying and she was so helpful. With her help and techniques, my milk came in and in full force. I was producing like crazy and we were finally able to get him healthy enough to go home. Once we were home I discovered that he too was allergic to dairy so I went off it for the 5th time.

Knowing that Marcus is my last, I have not wanted to stop nursing him. Despite all that I have been through physically for the last 7 months. In November, I blew my L5-S1 disc and herniated my L4 disc at the same time and was basically in bed for 4 months. I had a medically necessary hysterectomy in January and continued to nurse him through that recovery. I have had 4 cases of Mastitis since November the last of which was in June and would not let up for eight days. We moved from Alaska to Texas in March and stopped along the way to see family and then arrived at my sister's house in Texas in April. We were temporary there for two months and my husband was commuting back and forth on the weekends from the Army base 3 1/2 away. I didn't want to ween him until our lives had calmed down. That was his source of comfort in all the inconsistency of our lives. We moved again, the beginning of June to our home. I broke out in my first case of hives. It was horrible! My whole body was covered in welts and red spots and I itched like crazy. This is a pic of the back of one of my legs.

They gave me a steroid shot, it just got worse. Finally they gave me a shot of Epinephrine at the ER and within a few days it subsided. With all that my body has been through, and that he is now 18 months or 1 1/2 years (for those who don't speak months), I have decided it is officially time to be done. I have been slowly weening him over the last week and a half.

One of us feels really good about this decision....

One of us does not...This is Marcus after asking to nurse and me telling him "no, nurse is all done."

And then he threw himself on the ground and there was much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of baby teeth. I like weening about as much as I like potty training. One of those necessary steps that is painful, but worth it. Little by little he is accepting this fact that is coming to an end. He is more willing to take a sippy cup instead.

Looking back over these years, I am so glad I decided to nurse. I feel I gave my babies the best start I could.Though I had to make sacrifices along the way, though it wasn't always easy, it was worth it! I will miss this time as well as the time I spent being pregnant and having babies. But now I am graduating to the child rearing, not bearing, phase of my life. I will always remember these times with fondness. It truly was the best decision I ever made 5 different times!